my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
