I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
