I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
