is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
