i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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