Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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