I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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