Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
