im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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