Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
