it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
