I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
