haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
