if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
