When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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