I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again