I wannas sexs uuuuu
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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