I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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