The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
