u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
