im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
