you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
