You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
