so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
