Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
