He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
