I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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