she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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