Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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