Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
