i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
