I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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