it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
