so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
