a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
