mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
