i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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