She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
