either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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