go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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