dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
