went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
