He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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