When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
