is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
