i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
