So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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