Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is my gift to your gina
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
