For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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