Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just invented taco cereal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
