walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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