k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In America we eat man semen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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