quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
