i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
