1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize