remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
