She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
