I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
