I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
