I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think my tv is drunk
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
