a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
