I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
