just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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