You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
