I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize