I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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