I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
