I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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